Autism and Girls

An autistic girl may:

• Rely on other children to guide them or speak for them at school.

• Have strong interests in only a few topics. For example, they may talk a lot about characters or props from a TV show but not know much about the story.

• Only want to talk about their own interests and not notice when someone tries to change the topic.

• Be very sensitive to loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, or other sensory input.

• Get frustrated easily and find it hard to manage feelings. They may have strong emotional outbursts (meltdowns), which can lead to detentions or suspensions.

• Show different behaviour at home and school.

• Experience depression, anxiety, or other mental health needs.

• Have co‑occurring conditions such as OCD or eating disorders.

Sometimes people think autism traits are simply part of a young girl’s personality. These traits may seem like “quirks” but can be signs of autism.

These subtle traits can be missed:

• Difficulty making or keeping friends; missing social cues like body language or tone of voice.

• Being labelled “quiet” or “shy,” when communication differences may be the cause.

• Appearing unusually passive.

• Developing typically when younger but struggling socially in adolescence as expectations increase.

• Having epileptic seizures (some research suggests a higher rate in autistic girls).

• Feeling less connected to traditional gender roles; some may not identify with their assigned gender.

Some girls show clear signs of autism and are diagnosed young. Others have subtle traits or learn to mask. Masking means copying or hiding behaviours so they look more neurotypical. These girls may not be identified until pre‑teen, teen, or adult years.

Cultural beliefs also play a role. Girls are sometimes expected to be quiet, calm, and compliant. Shy girls may be seen as “polite,” while boys behaving the same way may receive support sooner.

Professionals may miss autism in girls because diagnostic criteria were historically based on studies of boys. Progress is being made, but more work is needed to ensure early identification and support for girls.

Most people enjoy friendships: spending time together, sharing trust, and supporting each other. Early autism research incorrectly assumed autistic people did not want friends. We now know this is not true.

Autistic children and young people often want friends and value them, though their friendships may look different from those of neurotypical peers. Research has focused heavily on boys, so girls’ experiences were overlooked.

We know that neurotypical girls often have different friendship styles than boys. This raises the question: do these gender differences also appear in autistic people?

What research tells us

Research shows:

• Autistic girls are often more socially motivated than autistic boys.

• They may have more friends and are often included more in classroom groups.

• They often enjoy talking with friends more than shared activities.

Felicity Sedgewick conducted three studies:

1. Questionnaires and interviews with autistic and non‑autistic teenagers about friendships and bullying.

2. Interviews with autistic and non‑autistic women about teenage and adult friendships.

3. Interviews with parents of autistic girls about their child’s friendships and future worries.

Her findings show autistic teenage girls often have one or two close best friends — friendships just as close as those of non‑autistic girls. However, they are more likely to experience relational conflict (e.g., gossip, exclusion) and find it hard to recognise or respond to it.

Many patterns continue into adulthood.

Autistic women in the research were just as likely to:

• have romantic relationships

• be parents

• have jobs

• have friends

They often have one or two intense friendships. Many felt more secure in adulthood, especially after receiving a diagnosis that helped them understand themselves.

Friendships and relationships for autistic women

Many patterns continue into adulthood.

Autistic women in the research were just as likely to:

• have romantic relationships

• be parents

• have jobs

• have friends

They often have one or two intense friendships. Many felt more secure in adulthood, especially after receiving a diagnosis that helped them understand themselves.

Difficulties can continue, including workplace politics and social hierarchies. Many autistic women had experienced sexual assault or domestic abuse in the past, linked to difficulty interpreting others’ intentions. All participants were now in safe, healthy relationships.

The Curly Hair Project
https://thegirlwiththecurlyhair.co.uk/
https://thegirlwiththecurlyhair.co.uk/resources/e-learning/

Book on wellbeing for autistic girls

Supporting Spectacular Girls: A practical guide to developing autistic girls’ wellbeing and self-esteem
By Hannah Clarke (2022), Jessica Kingsley Publishers

Understanding masking

Autism and Masking – How and why people do it, and the impact it can have
By Dr Felicity Sedgewick, Dr Laura Hull and Helen Ellis (2022)

Story from an autistic perspective

The Secret Life of Rose: Inside an autistic head
By Rose Smitten (2021)

Support for autistic girls

Autistic Girls Network – Reasonable Adjustments
Missing attachment

 Communication support for autistic girls

The Bridge – ASD Communication and girls
Missing attachment