Demand Avoidance

Demand Avoidance

What Is Demand Avoidance?

Demand avoidance means resisting something that is expected or requested. Everyone avoids demands sometimes. But here, it refers to a strong and ongoing resistance to everyday demands. These can include basic needs like eating and sleeping, or expected tasks like going to school or work. 

Demand avoidance is often seen in autistic people and some other neurodivergent individuals. However, research is limited and often low in quality. Experts still debate how to define it, how common it is, why it happens, and how best to support people who experience it. 

Types of Demands

People who experience demand avoidance may resist: 

• Direct demands: Instructions like “brush your teeth” or “put your coat on” 

• Internal demands: Urges like hunger or needing the toilet 

• Implied demands: Expectations like answering a question or paying a bill 

Even pleasant activities can feel like demands and cause distress.

Forms of Resistance

People may resist demands in different ways: 

• Excuses: These may be imaginative, like “I can’t because I’m a tractor and tractors don’t have hands.” 

• Distraction: Changing the subject, giving compliments, or creating a new situation (like knocking something over) 

• Refusal: Saying “No” and not negotiating 

• Withdrawal: Becoming quiet, curling up, walking away, or escaping into fantasy 

• Aggression: As a last resort, when other strategies fail. This may include hitting, kicking, or biting. It’s often a panic response to overwhelming anxiety. 

When a person realizes they can’t avoid a demand, they may have a meltdown or panic attack. These reactions are usually out of their control.

Impact on the Person

Demand avoidance can affect many areas of life: 

• Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up 

• Anxiety and related symptoms 

• Difficulty with self-care (e.g., hygiene, eating, chores) 

• Panic attacks and emotional distress 

• Trouble with friendships and social relationships 

• Inability to attend school or work, which may lead to exclusion or job loss 

Impact on Parents and Carers

Parents and carers may experience: 

• Emotional distress from seeing their child struggle 

• Exhaustion from trying to reduce or disguise demands 

• Stress from seeking support in areas like diagnosis, education, and mental health

Support Strategies

Support should match the person’s strengths and needs. Understanding and accepting demand avoidance is key to finding the right help. 

Although research is limited, advice from lived experience and professionals includes: 

• Reduce or remove demands when possible 

• Use a collaborative approach: Work together instead of giving orders 

• Use indirect communication: Avoid direct instructions 

• Avoid stressors: This includes eye contact, touch, and confrontational body language 

• Remove spectators: Give the person space or move them to a quiet area 

• Coordinate support: Involve family, education, healthcare, and social care professionals 

People may also benefit from: 

• Learning about their demand avoidance and triggers 

• Managing and disguising demands 

• Sensory regulation and creating a calming environment 

• Therapy, counselling, mindfulness, and meditation