Families With One Parent

If you expected to raise your child as a couple, you may feel hurt or angry.
These feelings are normal.

As a lone parent, try not to show these feelings to your child.
Let your child build their own relationship with their other parent.

It is usually better for children to see both parents regularly, even if you start new relationships.
This does not apply if the other parent is violent or abusive.

Your child may act out after visits.
They may feel confused or upset.
Try to stay calm and reassure them.
Over time, children usually adjust and feel more settled.

You will also need someone to talk to about your own feelings.
Try to speak to a trusted adult for support.

If you are starting to date again, you may wonder whether dating a single parent is right for you.
Dating someone with children can be positive, but it also brings challenges. It is important to think about these before you begin.

Children will sometimes need their parent’s full attention.
Plans may change at the last minute if a child is unwell or needs support.
Even on quiet days, children may be loud, energetic or emotional.

Only you can decide if you are ready for this kind of relationship.
Be honest with yourself about what you can manage.

There are many positive things about joining a family.
But there may also be difficult moments, and these need realistic expectations.

Ask yourself:

• Am I ready to share my partner’s time with their children?

• Can I be flexible when plans change?

• Am I willing to get to know the children at their pace?

• Do I understand that the children will always come first?

If you feel unsure, take time to think.
Be kind and respectful to both your partner and their children.

If you realise the relationship is not right for you, try to end it gently and clearly.
Do not wait for things to change.
The children will remain part of the family — the question is whether you can be part of that family too.

More information:
Very well

Caring for a disabled child on your own can feel tiring and lonely.
But there is support available.

Try to include your child’s other parent in their care if this is possible and safe.

If your child needs equipment or changes to your home, you may be able to get a grant to help with costs.

You may also be able to get support through:

• Disability Living Allowance (DLA) for children

• Universal Credit

• Tax credits

• Personal Independence Payment (PIP) for children aged 16 or over

You can find more information on the Contact website.
You can also call the Gingerbread helpline for free on 0808 802 0925.

Some charities give grants to families with a disabled child or long‑term illness.
Call the Contact helpline on 0808 808 3555 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am–5pm) to get a list of these charities.

More information:
Support services

Explaining why a parent has left the family home can feel very hard.
You may wonder what to say, how much to share, and how to answer questions.

There are different reasons why a parent may not be involved:

• The other parent is not interested

• The other parent is abusive and contact is not safe

• The other parent lives abroad

• You have been bereaved

How do I tell my child the other parent is not making contact?

(Suggested alternative: Talking to children when a parent chooses not to be involved)

For young children, keep explanations simple and factual.
Do not lie, but you also do not need to explain everything.

You could say:

• “Daddy lives far away.”

• “Mummy has chosen to live with John.”

Follow this with reassurance:
“I love you, and I will always be here for you.”

As your child gets older, they may ask painful questions like:

• “Why doesn’t Daddy send me a birthday present?”

• “Why doesn’t Mummy love me?”

It is okay to say:
“I don’t know. I understand you feel sad.”
Then gently move on.

Do not criticise the other parent.
Your aim is to reduce your child’s hurt, not deepen it.

Over time your child may understand the truth, but your steady love and support are what matter most.

If the abusive parent accepts they cannot see the child, your approach may be similar to the section above.

But if they cause problems — such as turning up at the home or behaving aggressively — you cannot fully hide this from your child.

You can:

• stay strong and calm

• involve the authorities when needed

• reassure your child again and again

• seek support for yourself

Let your child know the behaviour is wrong and that you disagree with it.
Tell them you will keep them safe.

If the parent is not interested, follow the advice above.

If they want to stay involved, there are many ways to keep in touch, depending on your child’s age:

• video calls

• messages or texts

• picture postcards

• emails

• voice recordings

• photographs

• online apps that are safe and age‑appropriate

When parents live far away, it is important to stick to agreed plans.
Long gaps between visits make consistent communication even more important.

Losing a partner while supporting your child can feel extremely hard.
Children may worry about upsetting you by showing their own grief.
You can help them by giving “permission” to share their feelings.
You might say:
“I’m sorry you feel sad. I feel sad too. I miss Mum/Dad so much.”

Your child may or may not remember their parent clearly.
You can help them build or keep memories by:

• looking at old photos

• talking about things they did together

• sharing stories about how happy their parent was when they were born

• pointing out similarities, like eye colour or expressions

• saying how proud the parent would be of them

As your child grows, avoid using the parent’s memory to criticise behaviour.
Focus on positive memories instead.

Top Tips

• Keep reassuring your child that you love them and will always be there.

• Be extra loving and supportive.

• Answer questions and listen to worries.

• Do not criticise the other parent.

• Acknowledge your child’s feelings.

• Find time for yourself so you can rest and cope.

• Help your child find good role models, especially if the parent who died was a different gender from you.

Above all, remember: your child has YOU.

Source: http://www.singleparents.org.uk/parenting/parenting-alone/Talking-to-your-child-about-an-absent-parent

Losing a parent through bereavement

If a child knows a loved one is going to die, they may feel very stressed.
The fear of the unknown can be the hardest part.

Pre‑bereavement counselling can help.
It gives children space to talk about their feelings and share worries.

More information:
YoungMinds counselling guide for parents.

Making a memory box

If you know you are nearing the end of life, you can make a memory box for your child.
You can make it together or create it yourself.

A memory box includes items that remind your child of your time together.
It can offer comfort and keep your connection strong after you have gone.

Macmillan Cancer Support explains how to make one.

If a child has lost someone

Talking openly about the person who has died can help a child cope.
Honest, simple explanations are better than hiding the truth.

Include your child in family events, such as funerals or celebrations of life.
Leaving them out can make them feel confused or excluded.

Children may share their memories through:

• photos

• stories

• games

• memory boxes

Children’s understanding and questions may change over time.
Young children may include death in their play — this is normal and helps them make sense of what has happened.

More guidance:
NHS England

If your partner dies, you will cope with your own grief while helping your child cope with theirs.
You may all be grieving the same person, but each person’s grief will look different.

How do children grieve?

Children and young people grieve as deeply as adults, but they show it differently.

They may:

• be sad one minute and play happily the next

• show anger

• become clingy

• struggle with sleep

• act younger than their age

• try to be “grown‑up” to please others

Teenagers may withdraw or spend a lot of time with friends.
These behaviours are normal unless they continue for a long time.

Young children may not understand that death is permanent.
You may need to repeat information many times.

Teenagers understand death but may feel overwhelmed.
They may find it hard to ask for support, even when they need it.

The bond between a child and a parent can remain strong even when contact has been limited.
So the death of an ex‑partner can affect children deeply, no matter what the relationship was like.
Children may have mixed feelings — sadness, confusion, anger or guilt — especially if the relationship was difficult.

If there were unresolved issues, grieving may be harder for everyone.

How to help your child cope

• Give simple, honest explanations in language they understand.
  Use clear words like “dead”, not “lost” or “asleep”, which can confuse children.

• You are now the child’s main parent.
  Try to find and accept support for yourself as a single parent.

• Grief is exhausting for adults and children.
  Be kind to yourself. Accept help.

• You do not need to hide your emotions.
  Children need a role model, not a hero. It is ok for them to see you sad.

• Focus on your child’s need to grieve for their parent.
  Your feelings may be different, and that is ok.
  Acknowledge this openly with your child if needed.

• Some children may worry that you will also die.
  Reassure them that this is very unlikely.
  Create a list of trusted people who would care for them if needed — this can help them feel safe.

• Try to build in small treats or moments of rest for yourself.

More information:
http://www.singleparents.org.uk/parenting/parenting-alone/death-and-the-impact-on-children

You may be able to get help from social care services as a carer.

You do not need a diagnosis for your child to get support.
If your child needs help, the local authority or trust should assess both their needs and yours.

Carer’s assessment

A carer’s assessment looks at:

• your needs as a parent

• your wellbeing

• your health and safety

• your daily routines

• your caring responsibilities

• your education or employment

• the relationships that matter to you

If your child is nearing 18, you may need help preparing for adult services.
Under the Care Act 2014, you can ask for a carer’s assessment in transition.
This helps plan support for both you and your child as they move into adulthood.

MATCHmothers
Offers non‑judgemental support to mothers who are apart from their children.

Overview of the law (Dad Info)
Information about family law, divorce and separation.

Family Rights Group
Supports families involved with children’s services.

Families Need Fathers
Offers support for parents who want to stay involved in their child’s life.

Fatherhood Institute
Promotes father involvement and provides support for dads.

Storybook Dads
Helps imprisoned parents record stories for their children.

Gingerbread — support for single parents

Gingerbread offers advice, information and support for single parents.
They provide guidance on money, work, housing, co‑parenting and wellbeing.
Their website includes tools, forums and a free helpline.

Government financial help for families

This page explains government support you may be able to get as a parent or carer.
It includes help with childcare costs, benefits, tax credits and support for disabled children.