Friendship and ADHD

ADHD symptoms can make it harder for someone to make friends or keep long‑term relationships.
Symptoms such as:

• finding it hard to focus

• feeling restless

• acting without thinking

• struggling to manage emotions

can affect social skills.

Other people may also misunderstand behaviour. For example:

• a lack of attention might be seen as shyness

• impulsive behaviour might be seen as rudeness or anger

Many people are busy with their own lives. This means friendships need time and effort. For someone managing ADHD symptoms, this can feel even more challenging.

Below are some typical challenges, with ideas for support.

Feeling overwhelmed

Adults with ADHD often find organising daily tasks difficult. This might include keeping appointments or focusing on one thing at a time.

Because of this, friendships can feel overwhelming. You may:

• feel too busy or distracted

• forget to reply

• miss plans

• find it hard to stay in touch

Over time, friends may feel hurt or think they are not important.

Getting bored

Some people with ADHD enjoy socialising but lose interest quickly. They may:

• struggle to stay focused in conversations

• drift into daydreaming

• feel restless and want to do something new

For example, you might want to try a new game rather than go out with a friend because the new activity feels more exciting.

Being inconsistent

People with ADHD may be very keen to see someone one day, then not stay in contact again for weeks.

This inconsistency can make friends feel confused or unimportant. They might think you only contact them when you are bored or have free time.

Having a poor memory

Many people with ADHD struggle with memory. This can make friendships harder.

You may forget:

• personal details your friends share

• dates or plans

• conversations you had

Friends may feel hurt when this happens. They may think you do not care, even though this is not true.

Avoiding topics because you cannot remember details can also make it harder to build long‑term relationships. Sharing memories together helps friendships grow.

Low Self-Esteem

ADHD can sometimes lead to low self-esteem. When someone feels bad about themselves, it can be harder to meet new people or make friends.

You might:

• feel unsure about talking to others

• think people will not want to be your friend

• worry about being judged

These thoughts can hold you back from joining in, even when others would welcome you.

Anxiety and Depression

Many people with ADHD also experience anxiety, including social anxiety disorder (SAD). This can make social situations feel stressful. You may worry about saying the wrong thing or being rejected.

People with ADHD are also more likely to experience depression. Low mood can make it difficult to talk to others, leave the house or stay connected.

These feelings can place extra strain on relationships, especially when friends do not understand what you are going through.

There are steps people with ADHD can take to improve friendships. Awareness and practice make a big difference.

Be aware

The first step is noticing what is happening in your social interactions. Ask yourself:

• Am I listening?

• Am I waiting for my turn to talk, or am I interrupting?

Try setting a short goal, such as focusing on listening for one month. When the other person is speaking, ask simple questions to show interest.

Checking You Have Understood

If you are talking with one person, you can ask to repeat back what you think they said. Keep it short and simple. This helps you check you understood and shows the other person you listened.

 Letting Others Finish Speaking

Notice when you feel the urge to interrupt.
You can try:

• taking a sip of water

• writing a quick note

• taking a slow breath

If you interrupt by mistake, say sorry and let the other person continue.

Stick to the topic at hand

Many people with ADHD jump to new topics quickly. Try to stay with the subject the other person is talking about. Switching topics too fast can make friends feel unheard, especially if they are sharing something important.

Know what your friendships mean to you

Think about how important your friendships are and what you want from them. Friendships need time, care and effort.

Ask yourself:

• Am I willing to make friendships a priority?

• Am I willing to choose long-term connection over short-term interests?

For example, choosing to see a friend instead of starting a new hobby might help your friendship grow. These small choices make a big difference.

When you spend time with a friend, try to plan your next catch‑up before you leave. Put the date in your calendar so you don’t forget. You can also use a phone or computer reminder for important dates like birthdays.

Collect your friends’ contact details, such as phone numbers or email addresses. Keep cards and stamps at home so you can easily send a birthday card or a quick note to let someone know you’re thinking of them.

When you are out shopping, you could pick up small gifts to give to friends. Or you could buy tickets for an activity and invite them to join you. These small acts help friendships grow.

Tell Your Friends You Care

Tell your friends that you appreciate them. Let them know you enjoy spending time together and look forward to seeing them again.
Try not to leave long gaps between staying in touch with the people who matter most to you.

Develop ways to deal with poor memory

Struggling with memory can make friendships harder, and it will not disappear overnight. Here are simple ways to manage it:

• Make notes about your friends — what they like, what they enjoy doing, and any important people in their life. Read these notes before you see them.

• Use a card‑sending service to remind you of important dates or to send cards automatically.

• Write down the names of new people you meet and look at the list now and then.

• Before meeting someone you haven’t seen for a while, think about what is important to them. Ask about their life and show that you remember what they told you before.

These steps help show that you care and value the friendship.

Ways to Maintain Friendships If You Have ADHD

After you make a friend, you might wonder how to keep the friendship going. Here are some supportive ideas.

Talk about your condition

Talking honestly can help build trust. If you feel comfortable, you can share that you have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) with a close friend.

You do not have to tell anyone if you do not want to. But sharing with someone you trust may help them understand you better. They may realise that lapses in memory or attention are ADHD‑related and not a sign that you don’t care.

Follow through on commitments

A key part of a strong friendship is reliability.
Try to:

• show up when you say you will

• keep promises

• do what you agreed to do

Following through shows your friend they can trust you. Just as you would want them to keep their word, they want to know you value the friendship too.

Set Boundaries

Everyone gets frustrated with friends sometimes. It helps to pause and notice how you feel. This stops you from taking your feelings out on someone else.

If you start to feel overwhelmed, take a break for yourself. You do not need to see your friend every day for the friendship to stay strong. Time apart is healthy.

If you invite a friend somewhere and they cannot come, try not to take it personally. Everyone needs space. You can always ask again another day. In the same way, respect your friend’s boundaries when they ask for time to themselves.

You can be thoughtful and caring with friends, but you should also prioritise your own wellbeing. Your physical health, mental health and life satisfaction all link to strong, healthy relationships.

Try to:

• get enough sleep

• eat regular, balanced meals

• stay active

• take steps to manage stress or anxiety

If you have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), talk to your doctor if your treatment does not seem to be helping. They may adjust your medication or therapy.

ADHD is often treated with:

• medication, such as stimulants or non‑stimulants

• therapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

CBT can help with organisation, time management and unhelpful thinking patterns. These skills can also support better friendships.

People with ADHD may find friendships hard at times. Feeling overwhelmed, bored, anxious or low can all make friendships more difficult.

The good news is that friendships can improve. You can:

• make time for people you care about

• stay present when you are with them

• show them they matter

• respect their boundaries

Most importantly, take care of yourself and get the right ADHD support. This helps you build healthier relationships.