Friendship and Autism

Autistic learners may also have fewer shared activities with friends.

The social skills needed to make and keep friends are complex. Most people learn these skills over time through everyday interactions. When an autistic learner has fewer chances to join in with others, they also have fewer chances to practise these skills. This can make friendships harder to build.

Some autistic learners may seem quiet or like they want to be on their own. This may be their choice, but it does not always mean they do not want friends. Sometimes they simply do not know how to start or grow a friendship.

They may want to “fit in” but not understand the small steps involved in forming friendships. They may also miss some of the unwritten social rules. For example:

• not knowing that friends sometimes spend time with other people

• feeling upset or confused when a friend plays with someone else

• thinking someone is a close friend when that person does not feel the same

Some autistic learners may also misread kindness as friendship. This can lead to strong attachment to someone who does not see the relationship in the same way.

Difficulties with flexible thinking or understanding another person’s feelings may also lead to misunderstandings or rejection from peers.

Children and young people often form friendships with others who share similar interests. For autistic learners, this can be especially helpful.

Sometimes adults encourage autistic learners to join clubs or group activities to help them make friends. This can work well if the activity:

• matches the child or young person’s interests

• is planned carefully

• is time‑limited at first

• has support in place

It is important to give autistic learners real‑life chances to practise friendship skills. These opportunities work best in natural settings, such as school, playtime or everyday routines.

Most autistic learners find it harder to use skills learned “out of context”. This means practising social skills in real‑world situations is more effective than learning them only in a classroom or through worksheets.

Your autistic child may find social situations difficult. Other children often seem to know, without being taught, how to talk and play together. Many parents and carers say it can be hard to explain why their autistic child finds social interaction challenging, especially when they have strong skills in other areas.

Autistic children may:

• seem withdrawn

• seem uninterested in other people

• choose to play alone

• accept contact when others start it, but not start contact themselves

• find it hard to be comforted

• approach other children in ways that seem unusual

• use very formal language or stick closely to rules

Trying to work out what others mean and how to behave can feel confusing, tiring and stressful for autistic children.

You can support them by:

• carrying, or giving your child, an autism alert card

• using simple communication tips

• asking the school to teach autism awareness and acceptance

• suggesting ways the school can support your child during unstructured times (like break or lunchtime)

• looking for autism‑friendly social groups and leisure activities in your area

Teaching social skills

Social skills take time to learn. Many autistic children need clear steps, practice and support.

All children and young people should be treated as individuals. Their food likes and dislikes, and their religious or cultural food needs, should be respected.

Food should look and smell appealing. This helps children enjoy eating. This is especially important for children who need food with changed textures because of swallowing difficulties.

Meal and snack times should fit the child’s needs. Some children may need small meals and snacks more often during the day.

Children should have enough time to eat and drink. If a child eats slowly, make sure their food stays warm and safe to eat.

Many toddlers go through a fussy stage. But it can be harder when an older child still eats only a few foods. Parents and carers often try many ideas, but nothing seems to help. This can cause stress and affect relationships.

Some children may refuse food because it looks different. They may fear new foods. They may focus on small details, like colour, shape or brand. They often prefer familiar packaging. They may not see why they should try something new.

There are some helpful “Do’s and Don’ts” when supporting children with restrictive or other eating difficulties.

Try to

✓ Let the child eat the foods they enjoy.
✓ Eat new foods in front of them, but do not expect them to try them.
✓ Play simple food games that let them touch, see and smell new foods.
✓ Involve them in meal preparation so they can explore food safely.
✓ Put small bowls of new foods on the table so they can choose to look or touch if they want.
✓ Stay calm and positive if they try something new.
✓ Encourage eating together with family or friends.

Try not to

✗ Prompt too much. This can make them less likely to try new foods.
✗ Pressurise them. This can increase anxiety.
✗ Bribe them. If they are scared, bribing will not help.
✗ Use food as a reward. Use stickers, fun activities or time together instead.
✗ Hide a new food in a favourite food. They may stop eating that favourite food in the future.
✗ Look anxious. Children can sense your feelings. If you look worried, they may feel worried too.

Eating a varied diet is good for health, but many children find this hard. Some children eat only a few foods. Others may eat too much. This section explains common issues and ways you can help.

Research indicates that children who are anxious and sensory-sensitive are more likely to have issues with eating.

Children who feel anxious or have sensory sensitivities often find eating difficult. This is very common in neurodivergent children.

Some eating patterns you may see include:

• only eating a few foods

• not being able to eat at school

• only eating when alone

• going long periods without food

• overeating

• eating non-food items, known as pica

These behaviours can be hard to understand and manage. Parents and carers may feel worry, frustration, or even blame themselves. It can be stressful when a child struggles to eat a healthy, varied diet.

Families, friends and support staff need to work together. A shared approach helps make sure each child eats and drinks in a way that feels safe, comfortable and enjoyable for them. It also helps children get the nutrition they need.

Mealtimes can be a chance for social connection. Sitting with the child during meals and snacks can help. When appropriate, adults can eat the same foods and drinks to model eating skills. This can also support simple conversation and positive social time.

Read more about helpful approaches to feeding.

• Reduce social stress and triggers where possible.

• Start with basic skills and build up in small steps.

• Practise new skills in different places and with different people. Autistic children can find it hard to use a skill in a new situation.

• Link skills to real examples and use people’s names.

• Ask school staff what social challenges they notice your child experiencing.

• Choose a good time to teach new skills — avoid stressful moments or times when your child is focused on a favourite activity.

• Try apps that support communication and read reviews first.

• Ask for extra help in school so staff can reinforce what you practise at home. This helps your child use the skill in more than one setting.

You can also ask the school to consider:

• buddy programmes

• circle of friends groups

• structured social skills lessons

• self‑esteem and self‑awareness lessons

• disability awareness lessons

• a class talk about autism to help classmates understand and accept differences

These steps help create a more supportive environment for your child.