Friendship and Children

Children enjoy spending time with friends, but they still need their parents and carers. In the early school years, family relationships have the biggest influence on your child’s development. Good family relationships give your child the care and safety they need to grow.

Family gives your child a stable and secure base. This helps them cope with the ups and downs of friendships. If your child feels left out or has argued with a friend, they know you are there for them.

You can support them by talking about what happened, how they felt and what they could do next time. For example, “How did you feel when Ali would not let you play?” Talking like this helps your child understand and manage their feelings.

Sometimes your child may just need you to listen or offer a hug.

Playdates outside school can help your child build new friendships and strengthen existing ones.

Ask your child who they might like to invite. You can talk to the friend’s parent or carer at school pick-up or drop-off.

Tips to help playdates go smoothly:

• Help your child put away special items before the playdate. This avoids upset if something gets broken or cannot be shared.

• Invite the other parent or carer to stay for a short time if they prefer.

• Offer a simple snack or drink to help the children relax.

• Explain which areas of the house or garden they can use.

• Stay nearby in case they need help, but give them space to learn how to play together.

• Plan a few activities such as crafts, ball games or building dens. You may not need them, but they can help if the children start to feel restless.

• Keep playdates short if your child finds them difficult — one to two hours can work well.

You can also use digital technology to support friendships. For example, older children might enjoy a virtual playdate by playing a video game together online.

Most children find making friends hard at times. There are simple things you can try.

A gentle social reminder may help. For example, encourage your child to introduce themselves: “Hello, I’m Kaia. What’s your name?”

Children often make friends by joining in with games. Your child may find this easier if they know the rules. If they do not like the games others are playing, they could start a game they enjoy and invite others to join in. Some children like taking a ball or simple game to share.

Some schools have a buddy system, where an older student supports a younger one. Your child could ask their buddy for help if they cannot find friends or are unsure what to play.

If your child has additional needs, they may need extra support. Try building friendships with other parents and meeting after school at a park or playground. You can give other parents simple ideas about how to include your child. For example, “Bill loves watching people play football. He can throw the ball in and be the scorer.”

If your child finds it hard to make friends at school, look for extracurricular activities where they can meet children with similar interests. These could include sports, dance, art classes, Scouts and many others.

If your child seems worried about school, is not eating lunch or feels anxious around others, they might be having friendship problems.

Talking with your child can help you understand what is happening. Some children will explain things easily. Others may find it hard to talk. You can help by sharing a story from your own childhood when you had friendship troubles. You could also read a book about friendship together. If your child is not ready to talk, let them know they can come to you any time.

It can also help to speak with your child’s teacher. They may have noticed changes during class or in the playground.

If you think your child is being bullied, or if they are bullying others, you need to step in and support them.

If you are worried about unsafe behaviour between your child and their friends, start by talking with your child. For example, “Is jumping from the top of the slide a good idea? You could get hurt.” This helps your child learn to make safer choices instead of copying others.

Having friends outside school can also help. These friends might be from art class, a local club, Scouts, the park or your neighbourhood. They can help build your child’s confidence, especially if things feel difficult at school.

Some children enjoy spending time alone. They might not want a big group of friends or may choose to play alone at lunchtime. If your child seems happy, you may not need to worry about finding more friends for them.