What Is Emotion Regulation?

Emotion regulation means managing emotions in healthy ways. It is also called emotional self-regulation. 

We all feel emotions like happiness, sadness, and anger. These emotions come from our thoughts, feelings, and what happens around us. People react differently to the same event. One person might feel calm, while another feels upset. 

Emotion regulation is a skill. Some people learn it as they grow. For example, a young child might cry after spilling a drink. As they grow older, they learn to stay calm, clean up, and get a new drink. Everyone is different. Some people find it easier to manage emotions than others. But everyone struggles sometimes. 

When supporting a child with emotion regulation, be aware of your own emotions. Notice how you react and how your reactions affect the child. This shared emotional experience is called co-regulation. 

Young children often need help to manage emotions. Older children may also need support, especially during stressful times. 

When someone struggles to regulate emotions, they may feel overwhelmed. This can lead to emotional outbursts. These outbursts may come from anxiety, sensory overload, frustration, or trouble solving problems.

Skills for Emotion Regulation

Emotion regulation involves several skills: 

• Noticing body and mind signals: Learn how emotions feel in the body. This helps spot early warning signs. 

• Naming emotions: Say what you are feeling. 

• Understanding triggers: Know what causes certain emotions. 

• Using helpful strategies: Find ways to feel better and stop emotions from getting stronger.

Calming Strategies

Quick Fixes

When someone feels anxious or overstimulated, these strategies may help: 

• Sit under a heavy blanket 

• Use a safe, low-stimulus space (like a small tent) 

• Press hands gently on the head 

• Curl up and squeeze legs 

• Get a deep pressure massage 

• Rock slowly in a chair 

• Give themselves a hug 

• Use calming scents like lavender 

• Squeeze and relax a small fidget toy 

• Squeeze and relax face or hands 

• Suck a sweet 

• Drink thick liquids like yogurt or milkshake through a straw 

• Get a bear hug 

• Cool the face or body gently: hold or chew an ice cube, eat frozen fruit, sip cold water, or splash cold water on the face 

These actions help calm the body by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. 

• Do short bursts of exercise, like running in place for 30 seconds 

• Blow bubbles, cotton balls, or feathers and watch them float 
  This helps focus on breathing and teaches relaxation. 

• Practice paced breathing: breathe in while counting to 2, breathe out while counting to 3. Make the exhale longer than the inhale. Teach this slowly and model it. Families can do it together.

What Is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation is a strong reaction to a situation that feels overwhelming. It happens when someone feels overloaded and temporarily loses control of their behaviour. 

This loss of control can show up in different ways: 

• Verbally: shouting, crying, or screaming 

• Physically: kicking, hitting, or biting 

• Both: a mix of verbal and physical reactions 

Emotional dysregulation is not the same as a temper tantrum. It is not bad or naughty behaviour. When someone feels overwhelmed and cannot express it in another way, it is understandable that they react emotionally.

Managing Emotional Dysregulation

Emotions can build up quickly and feel too much to handle. To support someone, we need to: 

• Find the cause: Use a Trigger Diary to track what sets off emotional reactions. This includes: 

• External factors: things in the environment or actions of others 

• Internal factors: body signals and feelings (called interoceptive awareness) 

• Build awareness: Help the child or young person notice and name their emotions before they become too strong. 

• Validate their experience: Show that you understand their feelings. Reflect back what they say and reassure them. Let them know their thoughts and feelings make sense in the situation. This helps them feel heard and valued. 

• Feel the emotion fully: To understand an emotion, the person must feel it clearly. 

• Recognise body signals: Help them notice how their body feels when emotions build up. 

• Spot subtle differences: Teach them to tell the difference between similar feelings like hunger, tiredness, sadness, or boredom. This helps them choose the right strategy to cope. 

• Use clear language: Encourage them to use specific words like “I feel irritated” instead of vague terms. 

• Respect differences: Self-regulation strategies may vary between neurotypical individuals and those with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Keep an open mind and support them in finding what works best. 

• Be patient: Learning to manage emotions takes time and practice

Processing Emotions

If emotions are not processed properly, they can become overwhelming. Adults can help by: 

• Using a Trigger Diary to find patterns in emotional reactions 

• Supporting the child or young person to name body signals and emotions 

• Encouraging specific language to describe feelings 

• Helping them notice small differences between emotions 

• Building skills to recognise and talk about emotions before they escalate 

• Staying open-minded and letting them explore what works 

• Practicing regularly and being patient 

Supporting a Child in Emotional Distress

When a child or young person is in distress: 

• Check the environment: Make it safer by removing items that could be thrown or padding hard surfaces with cushions 

• Keep communication simple: Too much talking can make things worse. Use short, clear phrases.