Getting Started
Neurodiversity Hub Wirral
Getting Started
What Do Flexibility and Adaptability Mean?
Flexibility means a person can choose from different options to reach a goal.
Adaptability means a person can handle changes that happen without warning.
Some children adapt easily. They switch between activities without trouble and adjust quickly to changes. These children often enjoy new routines, activities, and ideas. They may need reminders to slow down and think before acting.
Other children find change harder. They may struggle with new routines or schedules. These children might cry or have tantrums more often. They may feel uneasy around new people or unfamiliar objects. They prefer predictable routines. This can help them avoid risky situations and resist peer pressure.
Why Daily Routines Matter for Toddlers
Routines help toddlers and families stay organized. They reduce stress and last-minute problems. Routines also help toddlers feel safe and secure.
When you set a daily routine for your toddler, you:
Create safety: A regular schedule helps toddlers (and adults) feel safe and comfortable.
Build confidence: Toddlers enjoy knowing what comes next. This helps them feel in control and boosts their self-esteem.
Support change: Routines make it easier for toddlers to handle changes. For example, if a different adult picks them up from day care, they can still rely on the rest of their routine staying the same.
Why Routines Help Older Children Too
Older children also benefit from routines. Routines give them structure and stability. They teach patience, independence, and good habits. Routines also help build strong family bonds.
Without routines, children may feel scared or unsure. They might act out or become emotional.
Helping Your Child Adapt to Change
Young children often resist change. This is normal.
As children grow, their brains—especially the prefrontal cortex—develop. This helps them become more flexible and manage emotions better.
Here are some ways to help your child become more adaptable:
Prepare them: Explain what will happen. Use visual aids like books or videos to show the situation.
Introduce change slowly: Don’t avoid uncomfortable situations. Instead, make small changes over time. For example, change one ingredient in a meal and let your child know ahead of time.
Teach coping skills: Help your child manage frustration. Younger children can use deep breathing or a calm-down space. Older children can ask themselves if the change will still bother them in a week.
Make backup plans: Help your child create a “Plan A” and “Plan B.” Talk about how to handle disappointment if Plan A doesn’t work.
Model flexibility: Show your child how you handle feeling “stuck.” For example, say, “I feel upset that I burned dinner. I’ll take deep breaths and remember we can order pizza.”
Celebrate strengths: Children who are more rigid often notice small details and focus deeply. These traits can help them reach their goals later in life.
What Is a Transition?
Transitions are changes. In education, transitions include moving from home to an early learning and childcare setting (ELC), from ELC to primary school, from one school stage to another, from primary to secondary school, between schools, and from secondary school to further education or employment.
Transitions are part of life. Most children and young people look forward to moving on. But transitions can be hard. Support from parents and staff helps make transitions smoother.
What Can Parents Do?
Parents can support children and young people during transitions by:
Talking with them about what will happen
Encouraging questions
Listening to their concerns
Sharing concerns with teachers or other professionals
Helping them get to know the new school or setting and what will be expected
Supporting Transitions
This Young Minds resource offers practical tips and tools for pupils, schools, parents, and carers to manage transitions throughout school life.
When Is There a Problem?
If your child’s resistance to change disrupts learning, social relationships, or daily life, or affects your family’s routine often, speak with a mental health professional.
Children with autism spectrum disorder, anxiety disorder, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may show stronger and longer-lasting rigidity.
What Is Demand Avoidance?
Everyone avoids demands sometimes. But demand avoidance here means a strong and ongoing resistance to everyday demands. These can include basic needs like eating and sleeping, and expected tasks like going to school or work.
Demand avoidance is often seen in autistic people and some other neurodivergent individuals. However, research on this topic is limited and often low in quality. Experts still debate how to define, identify, and support people with demand avoidance.
Help Ideas
Communication
Think about how to communicate clearly. Consider the person’s cognitive ability, attention level, and how settled they feel. Their environment, tiredness, and stress affect how well they understand.
Avoid saying “no” directly. Use gentle, non-confrontational requests. Limit spoken language if needed. Many neurodivergent people find verbal communication hard, especially when anxious. They may misunderstand words or context.
Visual Supports
Words can be forgotten or misunderstood. Visual supports are clear and consistent. They show what will happen and when. This helps reduce anxiety and frustration.
Use social stories or comic strip stories to explain what is expected, especially in new or confusing situations.
More info:
Visual Supports – National Autistic Society
Understanding Communication – National Autistic Society
Concept of Time
Neurodivergent people may struggle with time. Use timers or countdowns to show how long an activity will last or when something fun will begin.
“Tolerance Jar”
Imagine your child’s tolerance as a jar. How full is it today? Think about their anxiety level and how many demands you’re placing on them. Match the demands to what they can handle. Use gentle, non-confrontational approaches.
Energy
Help your child manage anxiety with relaxation and energy accounting. Plan tiring activities with time to rest and recharge.
Emotions
If your child loses composure, they are showing they need help. Reflect on these moments. Use a behavioural diary with the ABC method (Antecedent, Behaviour, Consequence) to understand triggers.
Developmental Trauma
If your child has experienced developmental trauma, adapt your approach. Avoid causing shame. Use PACE parenting (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy) and consider their current emotional capacity.
Support in Hospital
If your child is going to hospital, ask about acute liaison nurses. They can support your child and explain what will happen during appointments