Getting Started

Getting Started

What do “systemising” and “empathising” mean?

Systemising (also called Logical Intent) means understanding the world through logic, rules, and systems. A system is anything that follows rules. People who systemise like to study and build systems to explain how things work or why people behave a certain way. They focus on facts, patterns, and rules. People with strong systemising traits may care more about their own feelings than other people's. 

Empathising (also called Social Intent) means understanding the world through emotions and feelings. It is the ability to understand and share someone else's feelings. Empathising helps people imagine how others feel in different situations.

What does this mean for your child?

Systemising and empathising are two different ways of making sense of the world. One is not better than the other. Many people use both. Systemising is not only found in neurodivergent people. Some neurodivergent people prefer systemising, while others prefer empathising. The same is true for neurotypical people. 

Even if someone prefers systemising, they can still feel empathy. A common myth says they cannot, but this is not true. 

You may have heard of the double empathy problem or double empathy theory. Dr Damian Milton, a researcher, introduced this idea. It says that autistic and non-autistic people experience life in very different ways. Because of this, they may struggle to understand each other. 

Dr Milton’s research shows that autistic people communicate well with other autistic people. Non-autistic people also communicate well with each other. But when autistic and non-autistic people talk to each other, communication can break down. This does not mean autistic people are wrong. Both groups need to try to understand each other.

See the cartoon above for a visual explanation of the double empathy theory. 

Ideas to explore different perspectives

• Use social stories or comic strip stories to explain what is expected in a situation. These are helpful for new or worrying events. 

Learn more here: National Autistic Society – Social Stories and Comic Strip Conversations

Understand that your child may see the world differently than you. This is okay. It makes life more interesting, even if it feels frustrating sometimes. 

• Talk about your own emotions. Share how you handle tough choices and situations. This helps your child learn about emotions in others by first learning about their own. 

• Try Emotion Coaching. It’s a helpful way to teach emotional awareness. 

• Children learn empathy by experiencing empathy. 

If your child doesn’t respond to your emotions, it can feel hard or upsetting. Try a new approach. Show care by spending time with them doing what they enjoy. Video Interaction Guidance can help with this. 

Help your child reflect on the good things in their life. Use scrapbooks to celebrate achievements. Find activities that bring them joy. 

After a busy day, neurodivergent children may feel overwhelmed. A drop in adrenaline can make them irritable. You might feel like they didn’t notice your efforts. Try a slow wind-down, like watching a film together or enjoying a favourite takeaway. 

If your child has experienced developmental trauma, they may have a smaller “window of tolerance.” This means they may struggle more with changes, demands, and staying calm.