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• Try to keep structure and routine wherever possible. This creates predictability and safety.

• Starting new routines can be hard, especially for children who struggle with change.

• Begin slowly and keep going. Once familiar, routines become part of daily life and help the child feel safer.

• Predictable routines:

  • lower the brain’s stress response

  • reduce fight/flight/freeze

  • support coping with unavoidable changes (e.g., new teacher)

• Keep strategies consistent across different environments.

• Stay in regular contact with school staff, carers, and professionals.

• Use shared boundaries, supports, and coping strategies.

• Create a simple document with key information:

  • medical needs

  • sensory needs

  • likes and dislikes

  • triggers

  • strategies that help them calm

• This prevents misunderstandings, especially if the child behaves differently at home and school.

Help the child learn to manage emotions starting with co‑regulation:

• The adult stays calm and regulated.

• The adult tunes in, notices feelings, and helps the child calm.

Support the child to learn about:

• Triggers — external (sounds, places) and internal (thoughts, memories, body sensations)

• What makes them feel safe — hobbies, trusted people, art, music, a special place

Carers may find it helpful to reflect on:

• their own childhood experiences

• how they coped

• what they want to keep or change in their parenting approach

Prepare calming resources, such as a soothing box (blanket, favourite smell, comfort item).
A large box at home and a smaller one for school or outings may help.

Children and young people with ACEs may find relationships difficult. They may struggle with:

• trust

• safety around others

• forming or maintaining relationships

Supporting relationship-building includes:

Listening and Validation

• Listen and validate their feelings.

• Give full attention — be mindful of eye contact, facial expression, body language.

• Follow the child’s lead if eye contact is uncomfortable.

Communication

• Show that you are listening by reflecting back emotions and summarising.

• Remember that behaviour is a form of communication.

• Think about what their behaviour is telling you.

Understanding Emotions

• Help them notice and name emotions.

• Validate feelings within the context of past and present experiences.

Modelling

• Model respect, kindness, compassion.

• Model emotional regulation.

• Model how to apologise and repair relationships.

Co‑Regulation

• Many children rely on adults to regulate.

• Notice your own body signals and take a breath before responding.

Learning About Boundaries

• Explore relationships and boundaries (e.g., social stories, emotion cards).

• Teach recognising feelings in others.

• Help them balance their needs with others’.

• Teach them to say “no” safely and ask for what they need.

Politeness Words

• Don’t pressure “please” and “sorry.”

• Focus on clear communication of needs and feelings.

Developmental Age

• Emotional/social development may differ from chronological age.

• Adjust expectations, language, and activities to their developmental stage.

Enjoyable Activities

• Support participation in enjoyable, routine activities.

• Make a list of activities that improve their mood and wellbeing.

Some children may need professional help to understand their trauma.

• You can speak to a GP about local support options.

• Many schools use Trauma-Informed Schools (TIS) approaches.

• Talking with the child’s teacher may be helpful.

Children and young people have good days and harder days.
Their ability to manage feelings varies and can change quickly.

Some children develop people‑pleasing to feel safe. This can hide their true feelings and needs.