More Information
Neurodiversity Hub Wirral
More Information
As your child grows, they may benefit from knowing that they see the world differently than others. This applies to both neurotypical and neurodivergent children. Communication works better when everyone takes responsibility for understanding differences and solving problems together.
Help your child understand emotions
Support your child in learning about their own thoughts and feelings, and those of others. This takes time, so treat it as a long-term goal.
Label your own thoughts and feelings. Describe what happened around them.
Talk out loud as you solve everyday problems. Do this while the situation is happening.
Wonder out loud about your child’s feelings. Label emotions that seem clear and link them to the event that caused them. Use both positive and challenging emotions.
Ideas to help with emotional awareness
Make your key emotions more visible.
Point out your non-verbal expressions.
(e.g., “I’m smiling because I’m happy.” “I’m frowning because I’m cross.”)
Explain why you feel a certain way.
(e.g., “I’m happy because you helped me tidy up.” “I’m cross because I lost my purse.”)
Say what you’re thinking and how it affects your actions.
(e.g., “I need to stop watching TV so I can cook dinner.”)
If your family uses common feeling words, keep using them.
Label your child’s emotions and explain why they might feel that way.
(e.g., “You’re laughing, you look happy. Is it because you’re enjoying your game?”)
Make clear links between actions and consequences.
(e.g., “It hurt when you fell over. Hitting people also hurts. When people hurt, they cry.”)
Use everyday moments to build social thinking.
(e.g., “It’s Flossie’s birthday. What gifts do you think she’d like?” “Bob is ill today. What could we do to help him feel better?”)
Use visual aids that show different feelings
Use a “voiced” approach to problem-solving
Encourage your child to think out loud when solving problems:
What do I need to do here?
What are some ways I could do it?
What might happen if I try it this way? What about another way?
How did my choice work out?
What should I try next time?
Social Stories and Comic Strip Conversations
These tools help explain situations or explore tricky moments. They can also help children understand risks, impulsive behaviours, or peer pressure as they grow older.
Social Stories and Comic Strip Conversations use simple visuals to show what’s happening, how people feel, and what their intentions might be.
Comic Strip Conversations use stick figures and symbols to show social interactions and abstract ideas.
When writing a social story:
Decide the goal of the story.
Think about what your child needs to know to understand it.
Gather key details:
Where does the situation happen?
Who is involved?
How does it start?
How does it end?
What happens?
Why does it happen?
If the outcome isn’t clear, use words like “sometimes” or “usually.” Avoid words that may cause anxiety. Use language your child understands. Add photos, pictures, or drawings to support the words.
You can find many examples online. Here are a couple:
Or you can create your own stories tailored to your child’s needs.
Helping Your Child with Their Hobbies and Special Interests
Your child may show strong motivation toward certain activities. Most people have routines and interests they enjoy. Some people also feel a need to repeat specific actions. It helps to think about whether your child’s activity is a special interest, a ritual, or part of a compulsion.
Special Interests and Hobbies
Special interests and hobbies are activities your child enjoys. They may choose to do them during free time. These interests can help reduce stress and boost motivation. Your child may feel upset if they are stopped or interrupted during these activities.
Rituals
Rituals are actions that help your child feel in control. They make daily life easier and reduce the need to think about what comes next. Rituals can show both happiness and anxiety. Your child may have rituals around everyday tasks. If these are changed, they may feel the need to put things back the way they were.
Compulsions
Compulsions are actions your child may do to relieve discomfort. For example, checking if a door is locked. These actions only help for a short time. Your child may feel that only this behaviour can ease their discomfort. Understanding these compulsions can help support them better.
Supporting Everyday Tasks and Routines
Let your child know what’s happening ahead of time. This helps reduce anxiety.
But don’t plan too far ahead, or they may worry about when things will happen.
Use visual tools like:
Now and next boards
Daily planners
Long-term calendars
These tools are clear and can be checked as often as needed.
🔗 Twinkl Now and Next Board
Think about how much detail your child can manage. Do they need a full day’s plan, a weekly overview, or just a “now and next” structure? If they forget, would pictures or photos help? As they grow, they might prefer using a planner or phone app.
Help them structure free time. You could create an idea board or list of suggestions to encourage independence
Countdowns and Warnings
Avoid sudden changes.
Don’t say “in a minute” – this can be unclear.
Use visual timers like:
Egg timers
Clock hands
These help your child understand when something will happen.
Try delay fading. If dinner is in 10 minutes, say they can do the activity after dinner. Suggest something to do while waiting, like drawing or watching a short show.
Clear Instructions and Choices
Use instructions, not questions.
(e.g., “Tidy your room now, please.”)
If they struggle with a direct request, offer a choice:
(e.g., “Do you want to tidy your toys or vacuum your room?”)
Keep choices to two options. This makes it easier for them to decide.
If they take a long time, ask:
“Are you still choosing, or would you like me to choose for you?”
Give them time to process. Count slowly to 10 before repeating or prompting.
Avoid arguments.
Instead of saying “no,” try:
“I’ve said yes – you can do that after lunch.”
Using Reward Charts
Many children respond well to rewards. Choose things they enjoy, like:
Time on a tablet or video game
Baking or crafts
Playing a favourite game
Going swimming or to the park
Choosing a takeaway
Create a reward chart together. Make the goal clear. Avoid vague phrases like “be good” or “use kind words.”
Keep the chart going and make sure the goal is reachable. If it’s too hard, they may lose interest or feel frustrated.
Use both short-term and long-term goals. Some goals can be reached in a day, others over a week.
Make the goal visible. Use a picture or photo. You could cut it into puzzle pieces and let them earn each piece as they progress.
Never take away rewards they’ve already earned.
Think carefully about what you reward. Avoid rewarding children for masking or trying to “appear neurotypical.” This can be harmful over time.
Talking About Emotions
If your child is neurodivergent or has experienced developmental trauma, emotions may be hard to manage.
The Window of Tolerance
Everyone has a window of tolerance. This is the range of things they can handle without feeling overwhelmed. Most people have a wide window. But your child’s window may be smaller.
When they go outside their window, their brain may react as if it needs to survive. These reactions include:
Fight – like a tiger
Flight – like a cat or emu running away
Freeze – like a rabbit staying still
Hide – like a hedgehog curling up
Beacon House has helpful sheets to explore these feelings and how others can support your child.
Parenting a Neurodivergent Child or One Who Has Experienced Trauma
Based on the work of Dan Hughes and Kim S. Golding, including graphics from Beacon House.
Parenting is a relationship built on giving and receiving love and comfort. But when a child doesn’t respond to care, it can be hard to stay consistent.
Challenges You May Face
Feeling rejected
Doubting your ability
Experiencing anxiety, anger, or depression
Reliving past feelings of rejection
Why Empathy Can Be Hard
You may feel:
Angry at defiance
Frustrated when your child doesn’t do what they can
Hurt by rejection
That your empathy is running low
Signs include:
Feeling angry or hopeless
Thinking you can’t continue parenting
Believing your child is selfish or ungrateful
Feeling they don’t take responsibility
Caring for Yourself
Parenting can be emotionally draining. It’s hard to stay empathetic if you feel personally attacked.
Reflect on your stress and how you’re coping. Balance your resources and demands.
Resources include:
Your health and confidence
Breaks, holidays, and support from others (e.g., therapists, family workers)
Demands include:
School routines
Meetings
Work
Managing behaviour
To care for your child, you must also care for yourself. Take time to recharge and give yourself empathy.