My Neurodiverse Family

Neurodivergence is a broad term. It covers many different needs, strengths and challenges. This means there is no single set of tips that works for every neurodivergent child.

Some parents feel confused, upset or disappointed when their child does not match the expectations they had before becoming a parent. Even if these feelings are not spoken out loud, children can still sense them. This may make a child feel unwanted or unloved. It can help to take time to understand your child’s needs and adjust your expectations.

Emily Perl Kingsley’s story Welcome to Holland compares having a disabled child to planning a dream trip to Italy but landing in Holland instead. Holland is not bad, but it is different. You may feel stressed or unprepared at first, but over time you may notice new and special things that you would have missed if you stayed focused on Italy.

Some parents find this story helpful, and others do not. If you choose to read it, we hope it gives you something to think about, even if it does not match your own experience:
https://www.dsasc.ca/uploads/8/5/3/9/8539131/welcome_to_holland.pdf

Raising a neurodivergent child has helped me become a more flexible and creative parent. I have learned to think in different ways. This journey has challenged me, but it has also changed me for the better.

I have been learning about neurodiversity for more than eight years. I am still growing and learning alongside my child. Here are five ways this experience has changed me as a parent and as a person.

When I see a child acting in a way that looks unusual, I do not blame the parent. I know there may be reasons I cannot see.

For example, at a birthday party in a trampoline park, all the children were jumping and running around. My son was lying with his face pressed against one vibrating mat. I could not move him for more than a few seconds at a time.

A parent I did not know well came over and began talking about the special socks needed for the trampolines. Her small chat helped distract me and made the moment easier.

It does not take much to help. A smile or a friendly comment can make a big difference to a stressed parent. Giving disapproving looks or unwanted advice does not help anyone. Be kind, remember you may not know the whole story, and give support only if it feels right.

I see different uses for everyday things

Everyday Items Can Have More Than One Use

Mini M&M’s can be more than a treat. Some families use them as small rewards to encourage learning or positive behaviour. Headphones can also be used in different ways. They are not only for listening to music but can help block out loud sounds when noise feels too much.

Raising a neurodivergent child has helped me see that everyday objects can be used in many helpful ways. It has also made me a more creative problem‑solver.

I’m a better communicator

My Communication Skills Have Improved

My child has received speech therapy since they were about 2 years old. Back‑and‑forth conversations used to be difficult and can still be a challenge today. When the topic is something my child enjoys—like weather, football, or a favourite musician—the conversation flows with ease. But staying engaged in topics that interest them less can be much harder.

Over time, I have learned ways to support communication. I try to:

• avoid questions that only need a “yes” or “no” answer

• make simple observations to help start or continue a conversation

• make indirect requests such as “Wow, the TV is loud!” instead of “Can you turn the TV down?”

When my child strongly sticks to their own point of view, stories can help. Telling short stories gives space for ideas and can help everyone understand each other more.

I’m less attached to a particular outcome, and more invested in the process

Raising a neurodivergent child has helped me stay more present and focus on what my child needs right now. I try to put helpful routines and supports in place based on research, trial and error and what works for our family.

Choosing a process that feels right can take time. Once I trust the process, I find the end result matters less. What matters most is that the support is right for my child.

I welcome people more readily into my life

(Suggested alternative: I’m More Open to New People)

I have met many different people because my child is neurodivergent. These include play therapists, music therapists, speech and physical therapy students, and developmental paediatricians. They all bring different skills, but they often share the same goal: helping children live their best life.

These people have supported and celebrated my child in warm and caring ways. Their support has made me more open and more trusting. When I meet new people, I try to assume positive intentions unless I am shown otherwise.

Becoming a neurodiverse‑aware parent took time. It involved learning, reflection and a lot of trial and error. There are easier days and more difficult days. But raising a neurodivergent child has completely changed the way I think, feel and act.

Information about financial support

You can find information about financial support for families here:
https://www.gov.uk/browse/benefits/families

You can find support and advice for single parents raising a disabled child here:
https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/find-information/parenting-perspectives/parenting-disabled-child/