My Neurodiverse Family

Neurodiversity means that human brains work in different ways. People vary on the outside with things like hair, skin, eyes and height. We also vary on the inside, including how our brains are built and how they work. Every brain is different. This difference helps us as human beings.

It is important to notice and value this difference, especially in families.

Being a neurodivergent‑affirming family means creating a safe home where everyone feels accepted and supported. Here are some ways to do this.

• Learn about different types of neurodivergence. This includes autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia and other conditions.

• Learn about the strengths and challenges that neurodivergent people may have.

• Encourage self‑acceptance. Help each family member feel proud of who they are.

• Encourage self‑advocacy. This means helping them speak up about their needs, preferences and boundaries.

• Avoid negative language about neurodivergent conditions.

Tough stuff at home

Many siblings feel that life at home centres around their brother or sister. They may help with caring. They may miss out on activities that their friends can do. This can feel unfair, tiring or upsetting.

Below are some common challenges and ideas that may help.

Getting time with parents

Siblings often feel they do not get enough time with their parents. Time with a parent helps a child or young person feel loved and cared for.

Some things you can do

• Ask your parent to spend a little time with you each day. This might be after your brother or sister has gone to bed.

• If your brother or sister has a short break away, ask your parent if you can do something special together. This could be going shopping, visiting a café or going swimming.

• Tell your parent that you would like them to watch you at a school event, such as an assembly or sports day.

Missing out on things

Siblings can miss out on things because of what is happening in the family. Days out may be cancelled. Friends may not be able to visit. This can feel sad or frustrating.

Some things you can do

• Talk to your parent about what you want to do. Ask them to help you make it happen.

• Tell a parent, teacher or pastoral staff member how you feel about missing out.

• Make a list of things you enjoy. Try to do one each week.

Being hurt by a brother or sister

Some siblings are hurt by their brother or sister. This can be upsetting and frightening. It is important to get support. It is never okay to be hurt.

Some things you can do

• Tell your parent or a teacher if you are being hurt.

• Ask your parent to help make a safety plan.

• If your brother or sister becomes angry, walk away and go to a safe place in your home.

For more information on this topic, visit:
https://www.sibs.org.uk/youngsibs/info-and-advice/tough-stuff-at-home/

Difficult behaviour

(Suggested alternative: When behaviour at home feels hard)

Some disabled children find it hard to manage their behaviour or their feelings. This can be tough for siblings, especially if things get broken or someone gets hurt.

Siblings say it can be hard when their disabled brother or sister is moody. It can feel stressful because it is hard to know how they will react.

Some things you can do if your brother or sister is moody

(Suggested alternative: How to cope when moods change)

• Remember it is not your fault. Mood changes are often part of their disability.

• Do something you enjoy to help keep yourself calm. This might be listening to music, playing a game or talking to a friend.

• Tell your parent how you feel when your brother or sister is moody.

For more information visit:
https://www.sibs.org.uk/youngsibs/info-and-advice/difficult-behaviour/

I don’t understand my sister’s condition

(Suggested alternative: Understanding your brother or sister’s condition)

It is important for siblings to have clear information about their brother or sister’s disability or condition. Many siblings say they do not understand what the condition means.

Some things you can do if you want to know more

(Suggested alternative: Ways to learn more about their condition)

• Ask your parent to explain your brother or sister’s disability or condition.

• Keep asking questions if you do not understand something. Even adults can find disability hard to understand.

• Write a list of things you want to know. Give the list to your parent and ask if you can talk about it together.

For more information visit:
https://www.sibs.org.uk/youngsibs/info-and-advice/understanding-disability/i-dont-understand-my-sisters-condition/

Tips for brothers and sisters

(Suggested alternative: Helpful ideas for siblings)

• Be proud of your brother or sister. You can talk openly to your friends about autism. If you feel embarrassed, your friends may notice and feel unsure how to respond.

• Love your brother or sister for who they are. Try to notice and praise their strengths.

• It is normal to love your brother or sister but sometimes not like them. All siblings feel this way at times.

• If things feel too much, talk to someone. You do not need to keep your feelings inside. If you cannot talk to your parents, speak to a teacher, another family member or another trusted adult.

• Remember your parents may be finding things hard too. Try not to get angry with them. Everyone is doing their best.

• You are not alone. Many families have challenges. Many families also have children who are autistic.

• Spend time together as a family, but also spend time with family members without your brother or sister. You are important too. If you feel left out, tell your family. They may not realise until you say something.

• It is okay to want time alone. Having a sibling with autism can be tiring. A break can help.

• Find something you both enjoy. This might be a simple activity like a jigsaw puzzle. What feels boring to you might be fun for your sibling. Join in—they will be happy to share something they enjoy.

Books for siblings

(Suggested alternative: Helpful books)

• The Superhero Heart: Explaining autism to family and friends (boy) – Christel Land

• The Superhero Heart: Explaining autism to family and friends (girl) – Christel Land

Additional Support

(Suggested alternative: Where to get more help)

The Dreadnought Centre Sibs Group
Dreadnought’s Sibs is a fun support group for siblings of children with additional needs and disabilities.
Website: https://www.thedreadnought.co.uk/sibs/

Sibling rivalry

(Suggested alternative: When brothers and sisters fall out)

Sibling rivalry means arguments or competition between brothers and sisters. This can be stressful for parents, but research shows that these disagreements can sometimes help children learn important skills. These include problem‑solving, sharing, taking turns and working through conflicts.

But sibling rivalry is not always positive. If rivalry carries on into adult life, it can cause problems with money, relationships and caring responsibilities. When this happens, the old competition for attention in childhood can turn into new competition as adults.

Sibling rivalry can feel even harder in a neurodiverse family. Parents cannot always make things equal because each child has different needs. Children want things to feel fair, but they do not want to be treated as if they are all the same. Every child wants to feel special and unique. As they grow and learn who they are, they want their parents to notice them as individuals, not just as “one of the siblings”.