School

• A young person may find it hard to go into school. This may be due to anxiety. Anxiety can happen when their needs are not met.

• They may feel worn out from masking at school. Masking means trying to hide how they feel to fit in. When they get home, they may have meltdowns or shutdowns because they feel safe enough to let out their stress.

• They may manage primary school but find the move to secondary school too much.

• They may often seem tired after school and need quiet time to rest.

• Teaching staff may say the young person shows “good behaviour” or is “managing ok”. They may not draw attention because they do not cause trouble.

• They like clear and simple instructions.

• They may try very hard to get things right. They may hate mistakes but still find it hard to understand what teachers expect.

• They may do well with schoolwork.

• They may dislike group work. Groups are easier when a close friend is with them. They often prefer to work alone because it gives them choice and control.

• Mistakes bother them. They may correct teachers and parents or carers because they want things to be right.

• They may get bored when teachers explain things they already understand.

• They may doodle, fiddle, fidget, look away or seem to daydream. These behaviours may help them listen and focus.

• They may get annoyed by pretend scenarios in problem‑solving tasks. For example, “John has 143 apples”.

• They may find it hard to move from one part of the day to another, such as changing classrooms.

• They may find sudden changes to routines hard to cope with. This can happen at Christmas, at the end of term or when moving to secondary school.

• They may find it easier to chat with trusted adults than with other young people.

• They may find it hard to understand social rules in class.

• They may find it very hard to focus on tasks or subjects they do not enjoy.

• They may find it difficult to ask for help or explain their needs.

• They may hide their difficulties from teachers. This is called masking.

• They may not use support tools, such as “time out” cards, because they feel anxious or embarrassed.

• They may only do homework when they understand why it matters.

• They may not raise their hand in class. They may feel reluctant to speak when asked a question.

• They may feel less anxious when seated with a friend. They may prefer seating that stays the same.

• In the Classroom

  Support during lessons

  • Let the young person know what will happen. Avoid sudden changes.

  • Keep your promises.

  • Let them choose where to sit, such as at the front, back or by the doorway.

  • Allow fidget toys that do not make noise.

  • Give seating options that allow movement.

  • Give movement breaks when needed.

  • Provide a “time out” card to leave class. But they may feel too self‑conscious to use it.

  • Break work into small steps. Present tasks in ways that suit the young person.

  • Give written and verbal instructions.

  • Allow tools like voice‑to‑text software, reader pens or a scribe.

  • Model tasks and give visual guides when useful. But remember that not all autistic pupils learn visually.

  • Allow ear defenders, noise‑cancelling headphones or music if needed.

  • Link lessons to their interests when possible.

  • Offer a laptop if writing is hard. But remember that listening and typing at the same time can also be hard.

  • Provide a “sensory diet” if needed. This must be planned by an Occupational Therapist.

  • Provide clear and adapted relationship and sex education. Use plain, clear language. Make sure it is inclusive.

  • Avoid shouting. Autistic pupils may think they are being told off even when the teacher speaks to the whole class.

  • Do not force group work with pupils they do not know. Do not call on them suddenly in class.

  • Do not change seating without warning.

  • Avoid detentions or exclusions for things caused by executive function or processing needs. Examples include forgetting equipment, being late, getting lost or being slow to get changed.

  • Understand that different neurotypes experience the world in different ways. This is a difference, not a problem.

• They may dislike physical education (PE). This may be because of unclear rules, too much noise, sensory overload, hypermobility or coordination needs.

• They may struggle with unstructured time. They may need more support at these times than during lessons.

• Lunchtimes may be difficult. For example:

  • They may eat slowly.

  • They may need to eat food in a set order or in a certain way.

  • School food may feel different from home food.

  • School cutlery may be harder to use than cutlery at home.

  • Other children may distract them.

  • They may want to play with friends but cannot do this until they finish eating.

  • School rules about what or how much pupils must eat may cause stress.

• They may enjoy being on their own.

• They may look like they are playing naturally, but they may copy others on purpose to fit in.

• They may focus on one close friend and find it hard when that friend plays with other people.

• They may feel very uncomfortable with conflict.

• Playtime can be difficult because it is unstructured and can change quickly.

• They may struggle to choose who to play with. They may worry about upsetting someone. They may put other people’s needs first and ignore their own needs.

• They may like to lead games and may find it hard to follow someone else’s rules or change the game suddenly.

• They may look passive because it feels socially safer.

• They may feel isolated. They may be bullied for being “different” or for not playing in the “usual” way.

• They may try very hard to please their peers but feel confused by social rules. Others may take advantage of this and pressure them to do unsafe or extreme things to be accepted.

• They may not like it when others break rules. They may tell adults about it. The idea of “telling tales” can be confusing for them.

• They may find parts of the school uniform, or any clothes, hard to wear.

• They may find eating in the dinner hall distressing because of strong smells and large crowds.

• Assemblies may be difficult because they sit close to many people.

• They may feel startled or scared if a teacher raises their voice.

• They may find the noise of a busy classroom overwhelming.

Schools, employers, local authorities and services like shops or leisure centres must make reasonable adjustments for disabled people. This is the law under the Equality Act 2010.

Reasonable adjustments can include:

• changing the way things are done

• changing a physical feature

• providing extra aids or services

• A young person should be allowed to arrive at a different time to avoid crowds.

• Schools can offer an alternative to the loud school bell.

• Uniform rules should be flexible for sensory needs.

• Attendance and behaviour policies should include and support all pupils, including pupils with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).

• Policies on exclusions should make sure pupils are not punished for behaviours linked to their special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).

• The whole school should understand neurodiversity.

• Staff should understand and teach others about interoception. Interoception is the sense that helps us feel what is happening inside our bodies.

• Staff should understand and teach others about alexithymia. Alexithymia means finding it hard to notice or name feelings.

• Staff should understand different communication styles. They should know that differences between neurotypes are normal, not faults.

• A young person may benefit from a dedicated teaching assistant who understands them. For some pupils, it helps if the assistant is also autistic.

• Staff should support pupils through both small and big changes.

• Play therapy or Lego therapy may help, as long as it does not try to change autistic behaviour.

• Speech and language therapy may help, as long as it does not try to change autistic behaviour.

• Schools should build strong relationships with parents. They should share updates about the school day, not just about behaviour or progress.

• Secondary schools should copy parents into important messages.

• Staff can support pupils to break tasks into smaller steps in a way that works for them.

• Some pupils may find a visual timetable helpful. It should match how they process information.

• It is important to remember that there is no single approach that works for everyone. Autistic children and young people have different strengths, interests and support needs.

This information is based on guidance from Young Minds.

It is normal for children and young people to worry about school sometimes. This might happen when they start a new school or have exams. But for some young people, school stays stressful or upsetting for a long time.

If your child feels anxious about school, or cannot go in, it can be very tiring for both of you. Mornings can become very stressful. You may try to support your child while also managing work, home tasks and other responsibilities. Even if you get your child to the school gate, you may know the day will still be very hard for them. You may also worry that the same struggle will happen again the next day.

When anxiety gets so strong that a young person cannot go to school, it is sometimes called “school refusal”. Schools or professionals may use this term. Many young people and parents do not like this term because it makes it sound like a choice. You may prefer other terms such as emotionally‑based school avoidance (EBSA) or anxiety‑related absence.

What makes young people feel anxious about school?

Young people may feel anxious about school for many reasons. They might:

• worry about making friends or fitting in

• find lessons confusing

• feel pressure to learn in a certain way

• struggle with relationships with teachers

Things outside school can also make it harder to cope. This includes bereavement, illness in the family or being a young carer.

For some young people, the school environment does not meet their needs. Trying to cope can cause high stress. This can happen if they have a mental health need, a neurodivergent condition or a special educational need (SEN) such as autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia or dyspraxia. This may feel even harder if their need is not diagnosed or not supported well.

Young people might show school anxiety by:

• not wanting to get up or get ready

• saying they cannot go to school

• worrying about small things, such as having the right equipment

• feeling sick or having stomach aches or headaches

• not sleeping well

• not doing schoolwork, or having falling grades

• being angry, upset or acting out at school or home

• withdrawing, becoming quiet or seeming low or depressed

Finding out what’s going on for your child

It can be hard to work out what is making your child anxious. A good first step is helping them name the things that worry them. Once you understand the problem, you can start to make helpful changes.

Young people may not be able to answer direct questions like “What’s going on?” They may not know how to explain their feelings. An “anxiety iceberg” can help you talk together in a gentler way. It helps you explore what is happening on the surface and what might be hidden underneath.

With younger children, you can draw pictures on the iceberg or use simple words. With older children or teenagers, you can write key words and phrases. You can also make a mind map with “school” in the centre and the difficult things around the outside.

Through this activity, you may learn that they worry about things such as:

• arriving at school

• noise or crowds

• confusing lessons

• feeling lonely

• finding certain subjects uncomfortable

Once you understand what is happening for your child, you can use their anxiety iceberg or mind map to explain things to the school. This helps you ask for clear and specific changes.

Follow these steps to start a conversation with the school

1. Ask for a meeting with the class teacher, tutor group lead, pastoral lead or the Special Educational Needs Coordinator (SENCO).

2. Make notes before the meeting. Share the specific parts of the school day your child finds hard. Ask the teacher if they have noticed other difficult moments.

3. Ask for specific changes if you already have ideas that might help. If you are unsure, ask what the school can offer. You can also use the ideas listed below.

4. Take notes during the meeting. Agree on what will change. Follow up by email afterwards. You can ask the school to write these changes into an Individual Education Plan (IEP). An IEP is a plan that helps schools give your child consistent support across lessons.

5. Plan a review date. Agree a time to check how things are going. Allow time for your child to adjust to new routines.

6. If you are not getting help, speak to someone else. You can talk to the head of year or the deputy head. If needed, you can escalate your concern to the head teacher, governors, academy trust or the local education authority.

Here are some examples of things you can ask for

If your child finds arriving at school difficult

• Younger children may like to arrive ten minutes early and have a simple job, such as tidying the classroom. This helps them start the day calmly.

• Teenagers may like a safe space to sit before lessons, with a trusted staff mentor from the pastoral team. They can return to this space at difficult times during the day.

• A flexible start time can reduce pressure.

• Meeting a friend at the gate can help with anxiety about entering the school.

If your child feels overwhelmed or confused

• A visual timetable can help. This uses pictures to show registration, lessons and breaktimes.

• A “now, next, then” card can help break the day into smaller steps.

• Written instructions help when spoken instructions are hard to remember.

• Support when moving between lessons, and warnings before transitions, can reduce stress.

If your child feels anxious during the school day

• A peer buddy, mentor or trusted staff member can check in with your child.

• A safe space, such as a wellbeing room or pastoral office, can help them manage difficult moments.

• An “exit card” allows them to leave class when anxiety is too high. They should have a safe person or place to go to.

• A flexible or reduced timetable can lower pressure.

If your child feels isolated or struggles with friendships

• Clubs at break or lunchtime can give structure and reduce worry about what to do.

• Roles such as library helper can help them feel involved.

• A peer buddy or mentor can provide regular support.

• Some schools run small social groups that help young people build friendships in a safe setting.

Working with the school

This situation can feel very hard for both you and your child. Even when things are challenging, it helps to keep a positive relationship with the school. Notice the support they are offering and any changes they are making. Working together makes it more likely that things will improve.