The Importance of Friendship

Making and keeping friends is a skill. Children learn it over time.

From around age four, children start to understand that other people can think and feel differently from them. This skill is called Theory of Mind. It means a child can imagine what someone else may be thinking. This helps them build stronger friendships.

Children often see friends as the people they spend time with at school or in the playground. They may form close friendships with those who are nearby.

Adults often have to plan time to make friends. Children do not. Children spend many hours each day with others their age. This makes it easier for them to form friendships.

Research shows that adults need about:

• 50 hours together to become casual friends

• 90 hours together to become friends

• 200 hours or more to become close friends

Having a best friend can help a child learn skills they will use in later relationships. These skills include how to talk about feelings, how to share, and how to work through problems like jealousy or loneliness.

Some children may not talk about friends at home. This does not always mean they have no friends. They may simply enjoy quieter play or prefer a calm approach to social time.

Parents and carers can help by arranging simple, fun meetups outside school. Children often become friends by doing enjoyable activities together.

Parents and carers can also teach a child how to join in with a game. One simple method is “watch then blend”. This means the child watches the game first, then joins in without interrupting.

Friendships change as children grow. Sometimes best friends drift apart or move away. This can feel hard for children. Parents and carers can help by talking about these feelings and supporting their child through the change.

Children spend more time with friends once they start school. This reduces the time they spend with parents, carers or siblings. As children move into adolescence, they spend even more time with friends and have more freedom during these moments.

The way children play with friends changes as they grow:

• Early years: Children enjoy pretend and imaginative play.

• Middle childhood: Children care more about shared interests. They may talk a lot, play structured games and prefer same-gender friendships.

• Adolescence: Friendships are based on trust, sharing personal thoughts and showing care.

These changes show how friendships help children learn about themselves. Early friendships are about fun. Later friendships help children explore who they are.

There is a lot of research showing that good friendships can support a child's long-term social and emotional development. Children with strong friendships often do better in school. Some studies show that children who have close friendships grow up to form healthy adult relationships.

Other research shows that not having friends can affect a child's emotional health. This can continue into adolescence and adulthood.

Some children prefer spending time alone. They may not want a large group of friends. They may enjoy quiet time at lunch or breaks. If your child seems happy, you may not need to worry.

Some children also enjoy online friendships. This may be through gaming or other shared interests. These friendships can still be meaningful and supportive.

Children who have a close, two‑way friendship often show better social and emotional outcomes. Children who do not have friends can face ongoing challenges. Because of this, researchers study what helps children build and keep friendships.

One important skill is called theory of mind. Theory of mind means a child can understand that other people have their own thoughts, feelings and wishes. Children use this skill to explain and predict how people act.

Children use theory of mind in different ways as they grow.

• Preschool-age children may use it to pretend, share a joke or take turns in play.

• Older children use it to understand someone else’s point of view. This helps them solve arguments, build trust and enjoy shared interests.

• As social groups get bigger, children need this skill even more to handle complex interactions.

Making friends and finding social activities can be harder for some children, especially those who are neurodivergent. This includes children who are on the autism spectrum, or who have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or intellectual disability (ID).

Every child is different. There is also wide diversity within every community. This means one approach will not work for everyone. But we can all help children build friendships.

One way is to support children with social skills in a calm and simple way. We can also work to change our environments and shift expectations so they are more inclusive.

When we build skills and make spaces more welcoming, we help create communities where all children can form friendships and enjoy social opportunities.